Sag's Auf Deutsch (15)

SAG'S AUF DEUTSCH (15)

The memory is cruel. It reminds there's no one new (Red Russian again).

It reminds those around you - when you lose it - there really is nothing new.  Just the same old thoughts circling round like vultures: concentric eccentric idiosyncratic circles. 

Closing in. 

Nothing new. 

Never again.

The memory is really cruel.

Sag's Auf Deutsch (14)

SAG'S AUF DEUTSCH (14)

She's not coming home tonight. She says that she's left forever. The memory is cruel, he said. 

Stop that Russian Red, I said in response. I'm still here aren't I? And, yes, the memories are cruel. They haunt me. But, it seems like I can't find a way to go. I'm now thinking Tel Aviv, though.

Are you mad? he said. It was something he always said. When she couldn't read a map, or failed to read his mind.

It made her laugh.

Sag's Auf Deutsch (13)

SAG'S AUF DEUTSCH (13)

And your sleep will never be as good as it used to be when the one you love is gone, said the Red Russian (as I watched Inside Love with my headphones on).

What time will you be home I wanted him to ask, but of that he'd never presume. He assumed I knew my own mind.

Back soon, I said and walked swiftly on, whistling quietly to myself.

Sag's Auf Deutsch (12)

SAG'S AUF DEUTSCH (12)

The birdsong wakes me up each morning,  even before the radio's set to come on, she said.  And, then, in the evening, the pipistrelle bats . . . 

Sounds like D H Lawrence, he said, all knowing. 

Does everything have to refer to something else? she asked (predominantly to herself) before cutting her hair and beginning to remember who she might once have been.

Sag's Auf Deutsch (11)

SAG'S AUF DEUTSCH (11)

But the hours, the hours, she said (as she made a mental note not to kill off her protagonist. Not yet).  For they are long, it has to be said and I’m not quite sure what one does with them. 

Oh, how I long for my own bed, she said (and he said it also, like an echo).

But, then, she added, I made my own bed. It is, after all, up to me to lie in it. 

Ich liebe mein Bett, he said in response. His enthusiasm had always been ill-considered and infectious.

Sag's Auf Deutsch (10)

SAG'S AUF DEUTSCH (10)

Also (Deutsch). So (English). The moral is: always sleep alone?

Probably, I said. And you can ring out the old and bring in the new but somehow I prefer the ancient regime: the old timers, and not the new rule.

Sag's Auf Deutsch (9)

SAG'S AUF DEUTSCH (9)

I want to see you, he said. I want to see you, as he pulled a pillow over her head and held it there until she suffocated. Dead.

Sie ist gestorben, said my tutor.

Sag's Auf Deutsch (8)

SAG'S AUF DEUTSCH (8)

Oedipus died and his sister went under.  Most likely Antigone, but, let's call her Persephone.  Six months here and six months there, etc. 

Hola, he said, as he set his sights on killing her.  

Was machen wir jetzt? she asked.  Apparently oblivious.

Sag's Auf Deutsch (7)

SAG'S AUF DEUTSCH (7)

So, here we are - just a few hours from freedom and the good life.

(Blackthorn - An Elegant And Mannered Western - 2011, 98 Mins Approx, English, Colour, 16.9, Dolby Digital, 5.1, CFDVO35.)

He didn't need subtitles.

In the film I'd have knee-capped him but, instead, I believed him.

Sag's Auf Deutsch (6)

SAG'S AUF DEUTSCH (6)

When I awoke I was still bereft. Nothing was different. Except I knew that there was no point in staying.

Mann lernt nicht für den Lehrer, man lernt für es Leben, she had said.

I concur. 

Sag's Auf Deutsch (5)

SAG'S AUF DEUTSCH (5)

The third wife said to the younger daughter, I don't think he ever quite forgave his father. Or, rather. I don't think your father forgave him.

It killed him.

At least not Oedipus, then, I said. And, for the record, he forgot to call his mother.

I can't breathe, said the man with subtitles.

Macht nichts, I replied. I've always hated the smell of things.

Sag's Auf Deutsch (4)

SAG'S AUF DEUTSCH (4)

What does the number mean? said another voice. And, when did it all go wrong?

1969 or 1999. The number's not important. It all comes down to colour and form. The texture of things.

Bollocks, he said (in subtitles).  But, did your mother call again?

Of course I answered.

Oedipus, call your mother, said another voice. That was a joke.

Sag's Auf Deutsch (3)

SAG'S AUF DEUTSCH (3)

I moved forward to kiss him, felt the weight of his body against mine. Felt an overwhelming joy like I'd never felt before.

How I loved him.

We can't do this, he said. I'm dead.

That smile.

And, when he spoke it was in another language with English subtitles at the bottom of the frame.

Burnt into my brain.

Sag's Auf Deutsch (2)

SAG'S AUF DEUTSCH (2)

When he died it was hell - real hell. But I kept thinking: soon it will be over and then he'll come back.  Once we're over the shock. Once we'd all got through it.

And then we would try harder - the second time around - to make everything so much better.

Sag's Auf Deutsch

SAG'S AUF DEUTSCH

It’s about grief and memory and the temptation to forget. It’s about three real men and a host of imaginary auxiliaries. It’s about a host of living auxiliaries, too.  And it starts with a film – a strange mess of a film, but a compelling film nonetheless.

I was at a loose end, you see. 

And (4)

AND (4)

And (3)

AND (3)