Friday 29 June 2012

Switch On Switch Off - Another Missive From The Press And Marketing Department



'So,' she said, 'it seems that we need to switch off.'

He ignored her. Deep down, he thought her a toff. She spoke too nice, and somewhat posh. 

She went on:

'The electricity bills; they're proving too much. If we don't turn out the lights, we could be kicked into touch.' 

(There you go, he noted. Just look at her analogy. She makes reference to rugby; that's what they play at school in Surrey.)

'I wouldn't mind,' she continued not seeing the chip on his shoulder; indeed, she rarely listened to the things he often told her. 'But switching off suggests having first been switched on. The days of plugged-in students are - am I wrong? - long gone.'

(And this he allowed for, despite her southern vowels, she stuck her neck out as was needed, never quit, threw in the towel. Perhaps being middle-class gave one a confidence-advantage, he pondered to himself as he gulped his Mother's Pride sandwich.)

'Please don't think I'm merely airing my discontents.  Here's the missive from the Press and Marketing department. It's all in their newsletter; their environmental pages. According to this document, we must head back into the dark ages.'

'You mean the Age of Enlightenment has come to and end?' The demise of old-school education drove him round the bend.

'Of course, I understand the need for economy', she blathered on blithely. 'In fact, though it might surprise you some, I'm used to living frugally. I might be a snob but my childhood wasn't easy. Just the thought of those bread-and-dripping days makes me feel quite queasy.  It was never a case of living with plenty. More often than not, the kitchen cupboard was tantamount to empty.'

'Really?'

'Now, they're saying we have to cut electricity bills drastically. (And I'm sorry to report, it's written bombastically.) We are, it appears, to resist consuming fossil fuels. But, without any power, don't we lose our teaching tools?'

He paused for a second, and then offered a thought. 'Just because we lack electricity, things don't have to come to nought. Listen up you, you know, I think I might have a plan, which feels good for a working-class, emasculated man. Let's give them some parchment, an ink-well and a feather. Let's conduct our classes in the park, regardless of the weather.'

And, for once she believed that he might have it right. There was nothing she liked more than spending the night wrapped up in her sleeping bag under the stars. Away from suburbia and the noise of its cars. There was nothing she liked more than making coffee on her stove as the dimming twilight sky shifted from golden-red to mauve. Why not vacate the lecture rooms and teach, instead, outdoors. Yes, for once he had it right and his rightness gave her pause.


Sunday 24 June 2012

Positively Negative, Or, Press And Marketing Oxymorons




'Well, I've never been one for positive thinking. I prefer to see clearly when drowning or sinking.'

'So you've seen the latest from Press and Marketing?'

'Of course. I'm an avid follower of its erudite emailing.'

'So, according to them (it), we should look on the bright side. Life's a roller-coaster, an up-and-down ride. But ignore the 'downs', it's the 'ups' that matter.'

'The problem with contentment is one tends to get fatter.'

'I thought it was comfort-eating that made you put on weight. Couch-potato, watching TV, eating chocolate, very late.'

'You get fat if you eat too much; your state of mind doesn't count.'

Pause.

'So, let us return to the missive in hand.'

'Have you noticed how banal these people are; how powerful, yet bland?'

'Yes, of course, but let's analyse just exactly what they're saying.'

'What they're saying is this: it's your wage that they're paying, and they won't carry on if you don't play by the book.'

'So, they've got us by the balls, like a fish on a hook?'

'And, positive thinking, well it only ends in sadness.'

'Yes, while our PL endorses it, I think it's close to madness.'

'I agree with what you say, and I've been doing some reading. It's apparent, it would seem, that depression's down to breeding. It's the innately positive-thinking that succumb to the disease. According to new research, the negative amongst us are generally better at ease. The people who think that everything should always be bright are the ones who get ill when all things are not right.'

'Likewise, the ones who expect the worst can only be impressed by the fact that life has high points despite the fact that it's a mess.'


In anticipation of reading Oliver Burkeman, 2012, The Antidote: Happiness For People Who Can't Stand Positive Thinking, Edinburgh: Canongate

Friday 22 June 2012

You Make The Tea. I Will Draw (No New Words)

Part Four

Then, Jane entered puberty.
She began styling her hair,
While Peter remained puerile.
But, no-one seemed to care

That he wore the same clothes 
That he'd always done.
He was a boy, after all.
He deserved to have fun.

Jane scoffed silently to herself
When Peter drew a flower.
But, despite her knowing maturity
He yet wielded sibling power.



Thursday 21 June 2012

'Here's A Tree', Says Jane, 'And Here Are Some Flowers'

Part Three

But, Jane wasn't having any of that.
She was damned
If she were going to spend 
Nine months getting fat.

So she began to compete.
Put in the hours.
Her only mistake
Was to focus on trees and flowers.

For, as feminist historians
Have rightly realised,
Flower painting is/was considered lowly,
Neither acclaimed nor highly prized.



Wednesday 20 June 2012

Have A Look, Jane (Boat Man)

Part Two

It was Jane who suggested the painting,
But Peter who took centre stage.
The Artist-as-Genius kept on creating.
In contrast
The hope was
Jane would start procreating 
As soon as she came of age.



To be continued . . . .

Monday 18 June 2012

'Let Us Draw', Says Jane (Draw Us)

Or, Why Have There Been No Great Women Artists?  

Part One



.

To be continued . . . .

Thursday 14 June 2012

Peter And Jane See Daddy Go Up And Down (An Apple Apples)

Note how, latterly, Jane adopts the same knee position as Daddy: possibly unconsciously, certainly posthumously.





But, unlike Daddy, Jane preferred not to come down.